did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
