How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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