OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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