I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
