Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
