bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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