wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this boner is exhausting
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
