After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
