I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
