I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
