physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
