Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
third nipple confirmed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
