im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
