Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
