I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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