ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
