If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
