i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
