I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
