You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
