rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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