I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
