Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
