Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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