i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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