even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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