Whatcha textin bout Willis?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
