Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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