he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do vagina's smell?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
