I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
