For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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