We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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