This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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