I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think people are normalizing furries
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize