He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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