he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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