I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
