she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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