I could make wine with my vomit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
