Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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