Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How external is "for external use only"?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
