just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
