you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This baby is an asshole
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
