she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
