oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
