My sheets look like a crime scene.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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