You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
