I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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