dude i'm inner monologue high
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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