Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
