There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize