I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
