just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
