Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
