Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
