just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
