I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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