no you cant smoke seaweed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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