I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
