Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
