I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
