Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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