I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
