I wannas sexs uuuuu
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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