I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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