Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.

Fav 20 871 3985
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer

Fav 16 4116 1407
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(317): View more from Indiana

The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.

Fav 7 3727 1062
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.

Fav 21 851 1878
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(540): View more from Virginia

THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.

Fav 24 1400 879
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?

Fav 6 1296 645
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.

Fav 4 1113 931
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(870): View more from Arkansas

My boob is missing a layer of skin

Fav 8 599 1198
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(540): View more from Virginia

Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.

(703): View more from Virginia

I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.

Fav 0 51 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT