Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over