So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.