I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10