Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  check it out our google latitudes are spooning

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  (516): check it out our google latitudes are spooning http://tfl.nu/t63m
  Replies (5) Good night (1046) Bad night (547)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

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  (614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat. http://tfl.nu/8yi0
  Replies (36) Good night (982) Bad night (3120)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.

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  (253): I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw. http://tfl.nu/27va
  Replies (2) Good night (763) Bad night (2992)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit

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  (325): how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit http://tfl.nu/gfh9
  Replies (45) Good night (5400) Bad night (1193)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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  (267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x
  Replies (4) Good night (2680) Bad night (1056)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.

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  (251): I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight. http://tfl.nu/6i3x
  Replies (13) Good night (4731) Bad night (1303)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.

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  (919): You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad. http://tfl.nu/r24i
  Replies (12) Good night (1230) Bad night (2231)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?

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  (763): how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea? http://tfl.nu/6syz
  Replies (12) Good night (2793) Bad night (916)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.

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  (907): Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hpd0
  Replies (36) Good night (2778) Bad night (884)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back

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  (906): As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back http://tfl.nu/lf8p
  Replies (1) Good night (1307) Bad night (1068)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this

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  (516): He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this http://tfl.nu/b4ty
  Replies (8) Good night (3102) Bad night (1131)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer

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  (989): apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer http://tfl.nu/nnl1
  Replies (4) Good night (1096) Bad night (520)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.

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  (512): You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits. http://tfl.nu/ddql
  Replies (6) Good night (1532) Bad night (631)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.

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  (517): I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish. http://tfl.nu/ztbe
  Replies (2) Good night (867) Bad night (409)
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  (310): View more from California

  Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised

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  (310): Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised http://tfl.nu/dc6t
  Replies (1) Good night (496) Bad night (340)

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