I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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