I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
