Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
